Meditating My Way To Not Knowing

Erica Rhodes
6 min readMay 26, 2021

The mantra that you’re given in Transcendental Meditation you keep to yourself. The reason being, true happiness is not out there, true happiness lies within. — David Lynch

Dingzeyu Li on Unsplash

Just so you know, I started meditating.

I know, I’m already so annoying.

Today I meditated so hard, I fell fast asleep at the end. (That’s how good I’m getting at meditating).

I’m meditating so well that I’ve made sure to let every person I encounter know that I started meditating.

I didn’t just start meditating, honestly.

I had many false starts.

People kept telling me to meditate, which of course made my resistance to it even stronger. (What do they know?) Plus I never really understood how to do it.

How do you stop thinking? How do you focus on just your breath? Why would I want to do that? What’s the point? I do yoga, isn’t that enough? I don’t have time to not do things.

People who meditate always act so high and mighty about it.

Yeah, we get it, you meditate. Whatever. Keep it to yourself, would ya? I’m trying to be my usual anxious self over here. Leave me alone.

But recently, I’ve been seeking answers more from within instead of the outside world. And I crave the basic ones such as,

Who am I? What do I want? What do I want to say? How do I really want to be in this life of mine?

So, I finally signed up for the Transcendental Meditation course.

TM has always intrigued me the most, not just because David Lynch does it (mostly because David Lynch does it, but also Jerry Seinfeld, Tom Papa, and some friends of mine), but because from what I know about TM, it is much more intuitive. They don’t teach you to not have thoughts, or to reject the thoughts, but rather to let the thoughts carry you where they may, then go back to your mantra in a natural way. I find this much more accessible than other forms of meditation, which often cause me more anxiety and frustration, since I can never not have thoughts altogether.

The first day of the TM course we were supposed to bring some things for the informal welcome ceremony: flowers, fruit, and a white…